Two months from now, my family will commemorate the day you have taken the life of my mother that she borrowed from You.
From the day that we found out what her real condition is, I never stop calling you and ask for you kindness to spare her life as we have many plans for her.
When she had the operation, I thought everything will be okay, but it’s not.
I know that you always have plans and I know that you are testing our faith in You. You are challenging our trust towards You.
I am not a perfect follower and I admit that but you know from the beginning how pure my faith in You and how I trusted You. I am very confident that You're always beside me and you always listen to my voice within.
I was really amazed about the teaching of your Son, The Prodigal Son, that even if we turn our back on You, You will still accept us because You are a forgiving Father, and your love and mercy is unconditional. You have truly shown us how you love us when, You have sacrificed the life of Your only son, Jesus, to save us from hell, you let him be crucified in Golgotha and let his blood wash away the sins of the human-kind.
From what happened to my mother, I have promised myself to be a good Catholic with the help of my sister, a nun, Your faithful servant inside and outside the church. The congregation of Jesus Good Shepherd collaborated and prayed for my mother. During that time, I believed that she will recover from her illness ‘cause I believed in the power of prayers. However, You did not listen to our prayers.
It was pass 11 in the evening, I heard my younger brother shouting, rattled and helpless that my mother is no longer breathing... At that time, I prayed, "Please spare her life. I'm not ready to lose her. I need my mother. She haven't seen how good I am now. She haven't seen how her sons became independent and will be successful in the future. She haven't seen her future grandchildren. I don't want to lose my mother, Lord, please don’t take her life" but you never listened. Together with my younger brother and my father, you let us feel and see my mother lifeless in the hospital bed. My warm tears flows from my eyes, as coldness devour her body, and all I can do is cry in pain and in madness.
From that day I never talked to You. I stopped praying. I never communicated to You or believed in You anymore. I even stopped going to church every during Your fest. I have the impression that you intentionally let things happened because we deserve to lose someone in exchange of a not good Christian. I admit, I'm mad at You because you took my mother away from us.
It was January, one night, I have a hard time to sleep. I turned-on the TV and scanned the shows. Accidentally, I saw my mother's photo on the table near the TV set. I just realized that everything happens for a reason, we don't know what it is because only You knows why do we need to undergo this experiences. Guilt is eating and swallowing me. This is not what my mother want me to be and to believe in. I know that if she is beside me she will feel upset because of what I am doing.
Slowly I have dragged myself to return to You. I started praying again. I started visiting Your home again. My faith is coming back and I am now trusting you again..
I still don’t know the reason why You took my mother, but I know with the help of my mother you will let me understand why she is with you now...
Sorry for doubting you but, just like the youngest son in the famous parable, I am coming back to you. Forgive me Father. I believed that You never rejected me and thrown me away. It is me who have left in the love of You. All this time, I felt that You’re just waiting for my return.
Your prodigal son,
P.S. Lord regards to my Mama. Tell her I really miss her. I know she’s enjoying the amenities in heaven right now. Please ask her to watch over us and tell her how much I love her.
Ma, Advance happy mother's day.. Even if you are not with us, we will still celebrate that day because we never lose you. You are always in our heart. Mwuah.
*** this will be my official entry to Mommy Joy's contest entitled: Letter to God contest! ***
Tandaan, sa panahon ng kalungkutan: Pa-check up ka sa adik para lumabas ang saltik... God Bless!